Russian jokes: Difference between revisions
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([https://twitter.com/Kasparov63/status/1525970570671685640 Latest Russian joke: Russia is the only country surrounded by the West on all sides!]) | ([https://twitter.com/Kasparov63/status/1525970570671685640 Latest Russian joke: Russia is the only country surrounded by the West on all sides!]) | ||
: A new arrival to Gulag is asked: | : A new arrival to Gulag is asked: “What were you given ten years for?” – “For nothing!” – “Don’t lie to us here, now! Everybody knows ’for nothing’ is three years.” (This joke was reported from the pre-Great Purge times. Later ’for nothing’ was elevated to five and even ten years.) | ||
A joke from Moscow: | A joke from Moscow: “According to Putin the special military operation is really a conflict btw Russia and NATO about World dominance. Whats the situation now?” “Russia has lost 15000 troops, 6 generals, 500 tanks, 3 ships, 100 planes and 1000 trucks. NATO hasn’t arrived yet.” | ||
https://twitter.com/NatalkaKyiv/status/1634647149827833857 | https://twitter.com/NatalkaKyiv/status/1634647149827833857 | ||
As they used to joke about the KGB: | As they used to joke about the KGB: one could read, one could write, and a third was needed to keep an eye on the intellectuals. | ||
https://twitter.com/shchedri/status/1513239170826838020 | https://twitter.com/shchedri/status/1513239170826838020 | ||
https://twitter.com/shchedri/status/1591539454271016960 | https://twitter.com/shchedri/status/1591539454271016960 | ||
[[File:Groups-of-3.jpeg|thumb|right|[https://twitter.com/Guderian_Xaba/status/1513114932891594757 Very interesting | [[File:Groups-of-3.jpeg|thumb|right|[https://twitter.com/Guderian_Xaba/status/1513114932891594757 Very interesting “spontaneous” pro-russian-occupation rally in occupied Nova Kakhivka today. The “local” men, massive crowd, seems to be all in groups of 3...]]] | ||
The most famous painters from USSR were asked to draw something having | The most famous painters from USSR were asked to draw something having “Stalin in Minsk” as the main subject. One of them drew a young women kissing a man. | ||
The superviser asked: | The superviser asked: | ||
- Who is this women? | - Who is this women? | ||
- Comrade | - Comrade Stalin’s wife. | ||
- But the man | - But the man doesn’t look like Comrade Stalin! | ||
- Well, he is in Minsk, | - Well, he is in Minsk, isn’t he? | ||
Truman, Churchill and Stalin meet after the war. They decide to compare watches. Truman shows the inscription on his watch: | Truman, Churchill and Stalin meet after the war. They decide to compare watches. Truman shows the inscription on his watch: “To our commander-in-chief, from a thankful nation”. Churchill’s watch says: “To our prime minister, Rule Britannia!”. Then they look what it says on Stalin’s watch: “To our beloved pastor, the congregation of Säkkijärvi ” | ||
One prisoner asks another: “Why are you here?” The answer: “For being lazy. When I heard an anti-Soviet joke, I did not denounce the person who told it to me. | One prisoner asks another: “Why are you here?” The answer: “For being lazy. When I heard an anti-Soviet joke, I did not denounce the person who told it to me. | ||
In russia, in a camp in Siberia, two convicts are discussing: “What are you here for?” “Me for stealing state property, and you?” “Me for laziness.” “What...???” "That’s how it was... I met my old friend Ivan Ivanovich which I hadn’t seen for years. So we drank vodka, criticized the government, and the next morning I lie lazily in bed thinking: should I go and turn him in, shouldn’t I go turn him in... well Ivan Ivanovich was not so lazy...!!!” | |||
{{subpages}} | {{subpages}} | ||
Revision as of 14:31, 11 March 2023
- Question to Radio Armenia: “Is it possible to build Communism in a random capitalist country like, say, the Netherlands?”
- Answer: “Of course it’s possible, but what have the Netherlands ever done to you?”
- Russia is the only country surrounded by the West!
(Latest Russian joke: Russia is the only country surrounded by the West on all sides!)
- A new arrival to Gulag is asked: “What were you given ten years for?” – “For nothing!” – “Don’t lie to us here, now! Everybody knows ’for nothing’ is three years.” (This joke was reported from the pre-Great Purge times. Later ’for nothing’ was elevated to five and even ten years.)
A joke from Moscow: “According to Putin the special military operation is really a conflict btw Russia and NATO about World dominance. Whats the situation now?” “Russia has lost 15000 troops, 6 generals, 500 tanks, 3 ships, 100 planes and 1000 trucks. NATO hasn’t arrived yet.”
https://twitter.com/NatalkaKyiv/status/1634647149827833857
As they used to joke about the KGB: one could read, one could write, and a third was needed to keep an eye on the intellectuals. https://twitter.com/shchedri/status/1513239170826838020 https://twitter.com/shchedri/status/1591539454271016960
The most famous painters from USSR were asked to draw something having “Stalin in Minsk” as the main subject. One of them drew a young women kissing a man. The superviser asked: - Who is this women? - Comrade Stalin’s wife. - But the man doesn’t look like Comrade Stalin! - Well, he is in Minsk, isn’t he?
Truman, Churchill and Stalin meet after the war. They decide to compare watches. Truman shows the inscription on his watch: “To our commander-in-chief, from a thankful nation”. Churchill’s watch says: “To our prime minister, Rule Britannia!”. Then they look what it says on Stalin’s watch: “To our beloved pastor, the congregation of Säkkijärvi ”
One prisoner asks another: “Why are you here?” The answer: “For being lazy. When I heard an anti-Soviet joke, I did not denounce the person who told it to me.
In russia, in a camp in Siberia, two convicts are discussing: “What are you here for?” “Me for stealing state property, and you?” “Me for laziness.” “What...???” "That’s how it was... I met my old friend Ivan Ivanovich which I hadn’t seen for years. So we drank vodka, criticized the government, and the next morning I lie lazily in bed thinking: should I go and turn him in, shouldn’t I go turn him in... well Ivan Ivanovich was not so lazy...!!!”
