Russian jokes/Putin

Putin's propagandists on TV said nuclear war is fine because patriotic Russians will go to Heaven. Heaven heard it and immediately applied to join NATO!

Putin dies and goes to hell. After a while, he's given a day off.

So he goes to a Moscow bar, orders a drink and asks the bartender:

Is Crimea ours?

Yes.

And the Donbas?

Also ours.

Kyiv?

We got that too.

Satisfied, he drinks and asks:

Thanks. How much do I owe you?

5 euros.

A man is on a street corner in Moscow yelling “The president is an idiot “

Police surround him and handcuff him. They say, “It is illegal to insult President Putin.”

He says, “You don’t understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting. “

The police captain says, “You can’t fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is.”

Putin visits a new pig farm inaugurated in occupied Crimea. Ria Novosti journalists discuss what text to place under the photo of this visit:

– Maybe “President Putin among the pigs”?

– Or “Pigs around President Putin”?

After long discussions, the photo is published, with the following text: “Third from the left, Putin”