Russian jokes

Question to Radio Armenia: “Is it possible to build Communism in a random capitalist country like, say, the Netherlands?”

Answer: “Of course it’s possible, but what have the Netherlands ever done to you?”

Russia is the only country surrounded by the West!

(Latest Russian joke: Russia is the only country surrounded by the West on all sides!)

A new arrival to Gulag is asked: “What were you given ten years for?” – “For nothing!” – “Don’t lie to us here, now! Everybody knows ’for nothing’ is three years.” (This joke was reported from the pre-Great Purge times. Later ’for nothing’ was elevated to five and even ten years.)

A joke from Moscow: “According to Putin the special military operation is really a conflict btw Russia and NATO about World dominance. Whats the situation now?” “Russia has lost 15000 troops, 6 generals, 500 tanks, 3 ships, 100 planes and 1000 trucks. NATO hasn’t arrived yet.”

https://twitter.com/NatalkaKyiv/status/1634647149827833857

As they used to joke about the KGB: one could read, one could write, and a third was needed to keep an eye on the intellectuals. https://twitter.com/shchedri/status/1513239170826838020 https://twitter.com/shchedri/status/1591539454271016960

Very interesting “spontaneous” pro-russian-occupation rally in occupied Nova Kakhivka today. The “local” men, massive crowd, seems to be all in groups of 3...

The most famous painters from USSR were asked to draw something having “Stalin in Minsk” as the main subject. One of them drew a young women kissing a man. The superviser asked: - Who is this women? - Comrade Stalin’s wife. - But the man doesn’t look like Comrade Stalin! - Well, he is in Minsk, isn’t he?

Truman, Churchill and Stalin meet after the war. They decide to compare watches. Truman shows the inscription on his watch: “To our commander-in-chief, from a thankful nation”. Churchill’s watch says: “To our prime minister, Rule Britannia!”. Then they look what it says on Stalin’s watch: “To our beloved pastor, the congregation of Säkkijärvi ”

One prisoner asks another: “Why are you here?” The answer: “For being lazy. When I heard an anti-Soviet joke, I did not denounce the person who told it to me.

In russia, in a camp in Siberia, two convicts are discussing: “What are you here for?” “Me for stealing state property, and you?” “Me for laziness.” “What...???” "That’s how it was... I met my old friend Ivan Ivanovich which I hadn’t seen for years. So we drank vodka, criticized the government, and the next morning I lie lazily in bed thinking: should I go and turn him in, shouldn’t I go turn him in... well Ivan Ivanovich was not so lazy...!!!”

https://fee.org/articles/why-fdr-banned-the-sale-of-sliced-bread-during-world-war-ii/

Stalin goes to a local wheat farm to see how things are going. “We have so many bags of wheat that, if piled on top of each other, they could reach God himself!” the farmer told Comrade Stalin.

“But God does not exist,” the dictator angrily replied. “Exactly!” said the farmer. “And neither does the wheat.”

• https://twitter.com/Kasparov63/status/1709775628516348303

• Russian jokes/Putin