Russian jokes/Putin: Difference between revisions
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Putin's propagandists on TV said nuclear war is fine because patriotic Russians will go to Heaven. Heaven heard it and immediately applied to join NATO! | :Putin's propagandists on TV said nuclear war is fine because patriotic Russians will go to Heaven. Heaven heard it and immediately applied to join NATO! | ||
[[File:Keep-moscow.jpeg|thumb|right]] | |||
:Putin dies and goes to hell. After a while, he's given a day off. | |||
:So he goes to a Moscow bar, orders a drink and asks the bartender: | |||
:Is Crimea ours? | |||
:Yes. | |||
:And the Donbas? | |||
:Also ours. | |||
:Kyiv? | |||
:We got that too. | |||
:Satisfied, he drinks and asks: | |||
:Thanks. How much do I owe you? | |||
:5 euros. | |||
A man is on a street corner in Moscow yelling “The president is an idiot “ | |||
Police surround him and handcuff him. They say, “It is illegal to insult President Putin.” | |||
He says, “You don’t understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting. “ | |||
The police captain says, “You can’t fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is.” | |||
[[File:Putin-pigs.png|300px]] | |||
:Putin visits a new pig farm inaugurated in occupied Crimea. Ria Novosti journalists discuss what text to place under the photo of this visit: | |||
:– Maybe “President Putin among the pigs”? | |||
:– Or “Pigs around President Putin”? | |||
:After long discussions, the photo is published, with the following text: “Third from the right, Putin” | |||
[[fr:Catégorie:Blagues russes/Poutine]] | [[fr:Catégorie:Blagues russes/Poutine]] | ||
[[ru:Анекдоты/Путин]] | [[ru:Анекдоты/Путин]] | ||
Latest revision as of 13:41, 5 March 2023
- Putin's propagandists on TV said nuclear war is fine because patriotic Russians will go to Heaven. Heaven heard it and immediately applied to join NATO!
- Putin dies and goes to hell. After a while, he's given a day off.
- So he goes to a Moscow bar, orders a drink and asks the bartender:
- Is Crimea ours?
- Yes.
- And the Donbas?
- Also ours.
- Kyiv?
- We got that too.
- Satisfied, he drinks and asks:
- Thanks. How much do I owe you?
- 5 euros.
A man is on a street corner in Moscow yelling “The president is an idiot “
Police surround him and handcuff him. They say, “It is illegal to insult President Putin.”
He says, “You don’t understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting. “
The police captain says, “You can’t fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is.”
- Putin visits a new pig farm inaugurated in occupied Crimea. Ria Novosti journalists discuss what text to place under the photo of this visit:
- – Maybe “President Putin among the pigs”?
- – Or “Pigs around President Putin”?
- After long discussions, the photo is published, with the following text: “Third from the right, Putin”
